this is kind of a similar take on this thread http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showt...ighlight=merge
about merged and unmerged poly. I said this back then and it still holds true I think.
Originally Posted by redpepper
I would ask of a partner to be graciously considerate and sometimes cautiously invested (for their own good and therefore mine, at least for a time). I would ask them to not expect to be the center of attention in my world all the time, but at times that we can capture and plan. I would ask them to be grateful that they are a part of my life and allow me to be grateful that I am a part of theirs... I would ask them to be humble and to have faith that I care about them, respect their needs, will be their as much and as often as I can and that what will be will be. Faith that I do what I can out of love for them and others in my life that I am merged with.
I think I indicate here what anyone in a poly relationship would come to... that is that my time is my own and I need to be able to do with it as I please. However, if you want to be close to me and the others in my life then that is an option. If you want to live your life by your rules and have me do the same then that is another option and one that I would not be interested in probably. It has nothing to do with "family" persay.
To me different styles are not so much about different requirements but just a different way of being in relationships. I am the same as I was back in the days when I dated and had no family yet. I ask for the same things now as I did then. Just for different reasons. I ask now that a lover consider becoming involved in my life on a certain level. I love my life and I think the people in it are awesome. I wouldn't want someone to be on the outside of that. If they don't like my peeps or are even unwilling to even see if they like my peeps then I doubt it would work for us. I would also want to know who is in their life and become part of that. That isn't anything to do with my kid or my family, and everything to do with how I do relationships.