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Old 09-02-2009, 07:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Karelia View Post
I can't talk to him for two reasons... one is he recently asked me to not talk to him about things he can't fix. Well, he sure as hell can't fix this. Beyond that, what does it accomplish? I can't make him want me more. I don't have any magical "make them want Kari" pixie dust lying around (if you have some, please send it). If I tell him, it may even serve to make the problem worse... because he may feel less inclined to have sex since it's a source of stress and drama. Furthermore, the last thing I want is "pity sex."
*Why* on earth is it NOT OK for you to talk about feelings you're having?? Regardless of whether your feelings can be "fixed" (whatever that means) or not, you have a right for your feelings to be heard and listened to by your lovers. If I had a partner who was only able to listen to only the feelings he or she can "fix", I would honestly find that relationship unsustainable for me. Being able to express myself honestly is a fundamental need, and I would not be able to have a good relationship without that.

And that aside, there *are* things he can fix. If his libido isn't up to par, he can make up for it by making you feel wanted and desired in other ways. Cuddles, reading you a book, washing your hair, giving you a massage. The possibilities are only limited by your imagination. Sex isn't the only way to achieve intimacy.

It sounds to me like you're trying to blame yourself for most of what's going on here without allowing other partners to take responsibility for their parts in the relationships you're having. Perhaps it's time to find a poly-friendly relationship counselor to help. There seem to be some pretty fundamental things going on here.
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