I don't think this situation is ever going to make a good triad. Triads are possibly the hardest thing to accomplish in poly dynamics as usually one person is not compatible with another. It doesn't sound like she is interested in a triad, it sounds like you are forcing yourself to just be okay with it and it doesn't sound like he is all that keen either. So why bother.
I think that you are warranted in telling them you don't want a triad with them and then asking her to either get her own room or move out. I think if I were you I would deal with my jealousy about him being with her and allow them to have a relationship without you. This means that they will have to go at your pace and will have to do as you request and move her out... the pay off will be that they get to be together without you freaking out about it. It sounds like you need to be shown some respect if they are to be together... so tell them that.
I suggest along with your reading that you do some on jealousy... it is also tagged and searchable on here. There are some really good comments of why people get jealous and what to do about it... also it might be worth reading the lessons learned thread to read more about jealousy.
Most of all I think that introducing communication skills is the first place to start. Without that you have nothing and it sounds like no one is communicating with each other or either communicates so differently that no one is being heard... there is also tags on that and a sticky.
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM