As the wife in this situation..I kinda gotta share a few more details. I spend my days and nights trying to make this ok, to help him find a way to cope with the situation because this was my decision. While I have been open and honest about the situation, I am the one who asked him to accept this and I feel that it is my responsibility to help make it ok for him. The boyfriend in this has also made that commitment.
The biggest issue that we have right now is that all 3 of us are in separate countries with different time zones. He has not asked anything of us, however I have set up times in my day that are reserved for him and him alone. I do not answer the phone, have people over, talk to others online and I try to make sure that our 4 children are occupied during this time so that it is about us and us alone. He feels that I am able to spend more time with the boyfriend because of his time zone and his job, so I have tried to limit that and make the time that we do have together as much about quality as I can. (The hubby and I's time) My frustration comes into how every single conversation we have has to come back to the relationship between myself and the boyfriend. He's not willing to let it go for even a day so that we can talk about just us. Nothing and I mean nothing I say or do can distract him from this topic and it's painful.