I am truly sorry for the difficulties you are having in forming this relationship. It is important to note that, beyond the "internal" fears I focussed on in my post, there are also "external" factors that may play a part. I do not presume to know the social circle of you or the guy involved so this is from my experience with the personalities I know in my social environment. I am military so things can be a bit rough.
My love for my incredible partner/girlfriend/Lover makes the external factors completely unimportant to me. That being said, there is the issue of how he feels his friends may view the relationship; this is the egotistical or macho angle.
A lot of guys will judge me for having a lover that has sex with other men. They will think that I am being used, that I am less of a "man" that can't satisfy her sexually or quite simply will reduce polyamory to being a slut. People that know me would not voice the word "slut" however. I have a protective streak towards everyone I love in all ways.
Again, I have to reiterate that this is a reality in my social/work environment but does not reflect the close-mindedness of all of them. It is however,a real and very powerful pressure. Social pressure and the disapproval of peers carries a lot of weight unless the relationship is so rewarding that it renders them impotent which in my case it does. I am extremely proud of my Lover and her incredible heart.
Maybe you should have him read my posts just so he can see this from my perspective. Trust me, if he is not completely into this relationship he will be torn apart by it, possibly without you ever knowing. I am no expert but my opinions are based on experience, real and felt.
I wish you the best of luck and hope you find what we have. I don't mean a mono/poly relationship as I sometimes think I am too much work for my partner and she deserves someone like minded who could let her explore without fear. What I mean is a relationship that feels as though it never had a beginning and will have no end. I love her dearly, she is my best friend, my most intense of lovers and I will cherish every moment of our adventure together with her family.
Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 04-27-2009 at 06:46 PM.