Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat
I'm happy to hear you've discovered something wonderful that you would like to have in your life and I'm sorry to hear that you and your wife have lost the magic in your marriage.
There's a general consensus in the poly world that your primary relationship needs to be strong and solid before you start adding other people to your life. At this point, even if your wife did give her permission, it would most likely only drive a deeper wedge between the two of you.
Right now, it would be good to focus on your marriage, either fixing it or deciding that it can't be fixed. If you decide to pursue a polyamorous lifestyle, that can come after you take care of the immediate situation. Getting together with another woman will do nothing to fix the immediate situation.
I sense that what you are saying is absolutely true. I know that I need to come to some resolution to my marital issues before trying to initiate another relationship. It wouldn't be fair to bring someone else into the mess that is my life right now. It is extremely difficult to admit that I can't fix something. I've always been the guy that could fix anything.
When a long time marriage starts to unravel, it does not just impact to two principals. There are kids, grandkids, friends, family, etc...... It's not just a family, it's a village.
But I do have this strong conviction that if given another opportunity to find love, I will not limit myself to one woman. It makes no sense to me that we should limit love to just the one person that we are living with. So I am curious about the poly lifestyle. Curious to see how many people are truly polyamorous and how many are using it as an excuse to have other sex partners.
As I'm trying to work through my relationship issues, it sometimes gets lonely. The lonliest kind of lonely is when you are not alone. Sitting in the house with my wife and no words are spoken. In different parts of the house. I just wish that i had another woman to talk to. Someone else to love.
But thanks for the advice. It is in line with my thoughts.