Fidelia, you are correct.
I am now really angry, but that was NOT what this post was about and I will ignore the one offending me. Thank you for bringing me back to being a sensible adult.
Flakey, please forgive me for the hijack. You came for support and I went a whole other direction. Has any progress been made with your wife in the last few days? Have you been able to talk to her about anything? I did want to ask if you ever tried to address these issues when you weren't in the middle of having them? What I mean is, when she isn't on the offensive or defensive, have you said "honey, we need to talk" and let her know how her insecurity and baited questions make you feel? If the only discussion comes DURING a problematic episode, it is already colored and led by negative emotions and will probably inevitably end up a fight with both parties hurt.
Please don't be scared away by the off topic tangent. There are many great people on here than can offer advice, see both sides (usually someone will), and show true compassion for others.