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Old 09-01-2009, 09:17 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by fastlymagic View Post
A "V"! I'm going to tell them both as soon as possible. It's exciting to have the right terminology. Clearly, I'm a poly noob

Okay, so I think you've got a lot of valid points there. When you said that a lot of that feeling for you was the strangeness of not sharing everything, that hit home for me. Like how, after the first time with Sue, I told Pam I wished she had been there. That wasn't me expressing my desire for group sex, but just the fact that Pam is such a part of me that, in an intimate setting, she's....supposed to be there. I miss her when she's at work and I'm at home. I miss her when I'm at work. If she's out of town for a night, I have trouble sleeping. So the idea of doing something so important, and having that mean being apart from her, that gives me problems.

But, you're also right that, for now, I do need to let things develop on their own. Pam, as excited and okay as she is with all this, is not ready to be together with Sue yet. Sue is much farther from being okay with that. We almost did something all together, and just coming close freaked Sue out. It wasn't that she didn't enjoy herself, but that she knew she hadn't done it for her, but only because she knew I wanted it. We talked afterward, and she told me this, and we determined that we definitely shouldn't even get into such a situation until it is something she wants. She's afraid, though, because she knows I do want that, and is afraid she'll never "come around."

So clearly its complicated, but I think you're pretty much right. Except that this still doesn't alleviate my feelings of weirdness and guild. I'll just have to wait and see if it goes away, I suppose. It's just strange because I'm usually very in touch with my emotions, but in this case, I'm not sure what I'm feeling. So I don't know how to deal with it.
Sorry I am quoting the whole of your post, its just that it takes forever for me to cut chunks out of text on my phone, so its faster if I don't.

I agree, time is all that is needed. I found that sitting back and allowing the "I am doing it for you" to turn into "I'm doing it because I like your other love" without medaling, really helpful. Now my two men and good friends and allies. They stand strong together as far as being sure what we have is good, but also against me and when they think I'm out to lunch. Not to mention in teasing! It took time to feel normal and time without me to get to really care for each other. You folks have only had two weeks! I'm talking months and months!
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