A "V"! I'm going to tell them both as soon as possible. It's exciting to have the right terminology. Clearly, I'm a poly noob
Okay, so I think you've got a lot of valid points there. When you said that a lot of that feeling for you was the strangeness of not sharing everything, that hit home for me. Like how, after the first time with Sue, I told Pam I wished she had been there. That wasn't me expressing my desire for group sex, but just the fact that Pam is such a part of me that, in an intimate setting, she's....supposed to be there. I miss her when she's at work and I'm at home. I miss her when I'm at work. If she's out of town for a night, I have trouble sleeping. So the idea of doing something so important, and having that mean being apart from her, that gives me problems.
But, you're also right that, for now, I do need to let things develop on their own. Pam, as excited and okay as she is with all this, is not ready to be together with Sue yet. Sue is much farther from being okay with that. We almost did something all together, and just coming close freaked Sue out. It wasn't that she didn't enjoy herself, but that she knew she hadn't done it for her, but only because she knew I wanted it. We talked afterward, and she told me this, and we determined that we definitely shouldn't even get into such a situation until it is something she wants. She's afraid, though, because she knows I do want that, and is afraid she'll never "come around."
So clearly its complicated, but I think you're pretty much right. Except that this still doesn't alleviate my feelings of weirdness and guild. I'll just have to wait and see if it goes away, I suppose. It's just strange because I'm usually very
in touch with my emotions, but in this case, I'm not sure what I'm feeling. So I don't know how to deal with it.