Yeah, I agree.
A friend of mine who has poly experience says that it sounds to her like my ex kept "testing your love" to see how much I could take before cracking.
Every time I would get to the point of overcoming my fears and insecurity, she would up the ante until I finally couldn't take it any more. She says it is the only explanation really for her behavior...she was trying to sabotage it. Otherwise, why did she pick a guy that she says she doesn't feel the same connection with? It isn't just her saying this to me, I heard from a backchannel source that she has told other people this too.