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Old 04-27-2009, 05:55 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,634
Default my two cents

I have finally had a chance to add my thoughts to your link as monoVCPHG's girlfriend (seems such a small word in light of my huge love for you!).

I have to say I love that you are all mine and that I have no challenges to face in the future if you were to bring another woman into your life that I am to share you with. This is a real treat to not have to deal with that. however... what I do deal with is the fact that if you were to find someone new then I would be tossed aside and made to watch you fall in love again... knowing that I am just your friend. Albeit an important one, still, no longer to have the closeness I desire to have with you. The jury is still out on whether or not this thought is worse or better than the other... I really try to just avoid it altogether actually.

I have heard the "you love all your children so why not love more than one person" theory before and I can't say I see how it relates to poly. I can see how it is the closest thing for some to explaining it, but it is not how I feel. For me it is more easily explained in terms of having more than one friend that fills a different need. I have friends that I like to exercise with, others that I like to have coffee with and talk about my relationships with, others about their relationships... I have friends that I have in my life like a comfortable pair of old jeans that I have loved forever and ones that I just got like this seasons fashion trend. My child fills a very different place in my heart. Perhaps if I had more than one I would get it more.

In regards to the gentleman with the two ladies in the same room that you don't know what to do with? hmmm.... they seem a tad selfish if they are unable to give you space and have compersion for the other. I wonder about the details of this situation and the details of your relationship to both of them. Is one your primary and the other the secondary for example?

I find in my "V" that I spend most of my time backing away and allowing my men to spend our group time together. I love watching them talk and joke around. Sometimes I get a kiss from my husband as he is my primary and I feel as if my secondary enjoys seeing the affection and love he has for me. Sometimes I sneak kisses and hugs to my secondary (making him squirm I might add) knowing that my primary will not mind and in fact enjoys seeing me sharing love and affection also. It's a work in progress I think. I would like to think that we are in a traid as I know that my two favorite lovers are friends, becoming more and more bonded. They may never be sexual with one another, but their relationship success is paramount to our greater success in making this work. Without their friendship I could not be happy and not be able to continue to be a part of this family we have created. I would have some very hard decisions to make indeed.

Last edited by redpepper; 04-27-2009 at 06:33 AM.
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