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Old 01-14-2011, 03:07 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post

How long between meeting someone, establishing a friendship and then establishing a "more than just friends" relationship with a partner?

How long did the "more than just friends" relationship last?

We are wondering because its my opinion that establishing a long term friendship first makes for a higher probability that the "more than friends" relationship will last...

It's his opinion that when people are interested in finding someone for a "more than friends" relationship-they aren't interested in building a "just friends" relationship for extended period of time first.
Hi LR,

Interesting question........but I think it's a 'loaded' question.

First, I think there's inherent bias in the question to start with. Unless of course it's framed around an unspoken desire to BUILD a poly family/tribe. 'Love by design' if you will.
I'm really not sure how many people want to live like that (percentage-wise) vs just opening up and seeing what the universe has to offer them.

Second, I think there's an additional 'load' here that IMPLIES that a 'long term' relationship (another undefined term) has some higher intrinsic value than one that might fall on the other side of the line. (short?)

For myself at least and for K (and others in our network), we don't subscribe to, or live by,that philosophy.

For us, the 'value' or importance in a relationship is not measured by it's duration but by what it brings to us - or we bring to it, by our participation in it. The impact it has on our or other's lives that tend to last forever ! Lesson we learn, love we feel, things that go into the makeup of who we are as people.

Somehow, I couldn't even imagine trying to live & navigate 'life by design'. Some general direction at times - sure. But that direction needs to be flexible. If not we risk missing out on things that could be important to everyone because at a given moment they didn't fit the 'mold'.

Make sense ?

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