Immaterial, I really appreciated reading your initial post on this thread (comments too, or course). I felt like much of it was a succinct and cogent description of what I currently struggle with myself. While it's been a fairly long process for my wife and I to emerge into an actively poly lifestyle after months of reflection and consideration, now that we're here I find that I am always much more comfortable when I'm receiving active support from one of the "little gods and goddesses" I create for myself. I'm quickly realizing that letting go of the fear is likely to be my biggest hurdle. And I loved this insight:
"I continue to meditate on how I can live from a place of love and not from a transactional orientation of always expecting something in return."