Originally Posted by erithacus
It sounds like your wife has the same thing as I do: rationally she agrees but emotionally she isn't ready yet. There's two different levels of communication. Is that true? How do you handle that?
I was also in this position when I first joined this forum: rationally I believed that accepting my husband's girlfriend was the right thing to do, but emotionally I couldn't handle it. Over several months things have slowly changed and now I do accept it emotionally (though I still do get occasional attacks of jealousy). Some of the things that helped me were: lots and lots of talking about it, getting to know his girlfriend and seeing that she is not a threat, spending a lot of time reading on this forum, and a lot of introspection on my part (i.e. facing my own insecurities). But the most important thing was just giving it time. It's such a radical change that you can't accept it overnight but I think if you do the necessary work AND give it plenty of time, then there's a good chance that you will accept it eventually.
My advice to your wife would be to give you lots of love, gratitude and reassurance. When I saw that my husband having this girlfriend was making our marriage better rather than worse, it made it a lot easier to accept her. Best wishes to you both!