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Old 01-12-2011, 05:01 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 1,437

Originally Posted by TL4everu2 View Post
Now to the "other part" of it all. This subject came up when my wife and I were dating another couple. I was ok with it, but my wife was like "You wouldn't get snipped with me after our second child, but you would for HER? WTF?". A reasonable question I think. But I didn't have a good answer. Any help people? Because I know it's gonna come up again.
Well, I guess we need the context. Considering she had her tube tied, was it a "I won't get snipped, you get your tubes tied" kind of thing, or did you talk about it and you personally didn't feel comfortable getting snipped so she did it, or something else?
I can understand how the idea of potentially having another child from your wife, that you have a more comfortable relationship with, would be less scary and therefore the idea of getting snipped, which can be psychologically hard, wasn't "worth it". But now that there might be a risk for someone you aren't married with, it's more of an incentive because on the one hand you want to protect a future child, who would be in a tricky situation being a lovechild, and make sure you don,t put them in that position, and on the other hand for yourself you also might not want to risk having to pay but not being able to see your child as much because this relationship isn't as "secure", and for your GF you might worry that it would be hard to be a "single mom" and possibly be seen as a slut, and for your wife that it might be hard that you have kids with someone else, etc, etc.
It just involves more people and that might be what decided you. Also, now that it's not about one couple being sterile (you and your wife) but there are more relationships because you're poly, you might be starting to see it on an individual basis, that is every person becomes responsible of their own birth control, it's not the couple but each individual, as each individual might be involved in more than one relationship. In that case, vasectomy makes a lot of sense because it protects ALL your partners from an unwanted pregnancy, rather than needing another form of birth control with each one of them individually.

Also, how long has it been? It's also possible that while you weren't willing to do it at the time, enough time has passed that you feel it's the right thing to do too, and not just for your girlfriend, but for your wife as well, for yourself, for everyone involved.
Me: 32F, straight
Seamus: My husband, 33M, straight
Fox: My boyfriend, 30M, homoflexible
Dragon: Fox's husband (and my ex), 30M, pansexual
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