Poly is strange. There is no doubt about it. You are embarking on a different journey than the main stream... it will take time to adjust and feel comfortable and safe within it. Be patient and keep at it. If you don't know what is going on then ask. Don't assume (that she just wants sex for instance), don't have expectations... ask. When someone asks you what is going on for you then be honest and direct while keeping respect and empathy for the receiver. When you talk to her or your husband or both, tell them that you expect the same so that you can all learn about each other and begin normalizing all this. I know you know your husband, but you don't know him in this context, so don't assume you do. Another person coming into a relationship changes everything and everyone... for you and the person who is also including you in her life... she is trying her best also (she left because she was thinking about your kids) so trust that and if you aren't sure,... ask.
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