See, when I want a fight I at least give the husband warning. I flat out tell him I'm watching and waiting for him to do something stupid and I will bait him if I must. Because I'm cranky and I need a good verbal boxing match. And, though he never states the fact, I see when he needs to vent too. And I do something small and stupid to get him heated and fighting. We don't fight dirty. We don't pull the crying nonsense. We blow off steam until we're laughing at how we've forgotten what the fight is about. And we both feel better. Probably sounds weird as friends have been alarmed by the fact we fight. (Apparently we're never supposed to?) But we vent the small and the big never builds to a fight. The big is nipped in the bud. I'd rather yell he left food on his plate in the sink for 20 minutes just cause I want to yell than build up being angry over something big until that dam bursts.
I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not.