Joyce, our situations do have a lot of similarities huh? I don't have people giving me trouble about it because we didn't tell anyone except my sister-in-law and it turns out she has a boyfriend... But she is cheating, her husband has no idea. Her & her husband are so happy that it irritates me that she is happy when cheating. I'm honest and upfront about things and I don't get to experience it. However, I couldn't live with myself if I was cheating.
I showed my husband this thread. He has agreed to see if we can find a way. He isn't saying it will work, but he'll try. He told me to send him any links etc... To help him. I had bought "The Ethical Slut" on recommendation of a poly friend but he didn't like it. I have been reading the book thread here and saw several monos saw it as threatening. Ooops!
So, back to the drawing board but this is better than before.
He says I'm pushing him now. He doesn't like being pushed. I AM pushing, I don't deny it. But before I started pushing it was no way, won't try, don't want to, never.
We're still working on us. We'll still see the therapist. And I'm still not talking to the husband. He was friends with my husband before this, so I'm hoping somehow they can talk to each other again. My husband still likes the other guy, he has been respectful and done nothing wrong. Its the concept that he's struggling with.