I struggled, and am struggling with some of the issues you are dealing with.
As for the asking questions and wanting information, I think you need to make it clear that there is a certain level of information required to alleviate your anxiety. When TP started going out we had a very frank discussion of what I wanted to know, I laid out very very specifically what I needed and she did the same. We came to a consensus as to what was required of all involved to allow this to work healthily and properly.
If she needs to keep some things separate, then you have to be accepting of that; but by the same token she needs to address your need for information. Early on I had said I didn't want to know about her dates, that changed and with knowledge came acceptance....As I have said you need to make clear your needs, if she cannot see them, then you need to reevaluate your importance to her.
Polyamory is wrong! It's Multiamory or Polyphilia. Mixing Greek and Latin roots? That's wrong.