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Old 08-31-2009, 06:20 PM
leeandlouise leeandlouise is offline
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Indiana
Posts: 13
Default figuring things out

My wife and I have been together for 18 years (15 married). We have had our ups and downs but through a number of events we are finally the happiest we have ever been. She met someone last year and started having a platonic yet secretive affair of sorts. After I discovered what was happening I confronted them both and that has led to a chain of events and discussions that has put us (as a couple) in a completely honest and comfortable relationship for the first time in our lives together. I, of course, thought the worst and was still adhering to my thoughts of a monogamous marriage and to be quite honest, it hurt me. But, before we were married I was much more open minded about my relationships and never actually had thought I could participate in a conventional kind of marriage. Apparently, she had felt the same way in the past but we had never really talked about it. As a matter of fact, I don't think we ever REALLY talked about us at all.
She brought up the idea of polyamory and we've been thinking it through for a few weeks now. Neither of us is moving fast but the ball is rolling and she is planning on speaking with her friend to see if he would be interested.
So, here's what I (we) would like to know.
Is there a good way for us to go forward and still feel this resurgence of love we have for each other? Neither of us wants to hurt the other or jeopardize our relationship and family.
I feel a little left out because I don't have anyone and I haven't even tried for so long that I'm scared of it.
Also, how does it work logistically? How is the time handled apart from each other? I'm a little jealous of the time I won't be able to spend with her when she's with her friend.
We would love to speak with another couple that has done this for a while and learn about their experience.
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