Welcome, Joyce. I just want to tell you not to waste time and energy beating yourself up for how things have gone. There is no use in punishing or berating oneself. Your eyes are open now, so just look around you and try to stay aware of how you affect those closest to you. Self-awareness is key. Try to find patience and compassion for yourself as you work on your marriage, examine what makes you happy, and find ways to move forward, taking care of yourself and your husband as you go.
It is indeed nice to meet you, too!
The world opens up... when you do.
Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein