Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit
The reason for the OP was partially selfish and partially general information. Over a few years I've discovered several 'connections', solid potential love connections, but with people who identified strictly mono. Their response of course was 'well - "if only you weren't married etc" and followed by some comment about being what we refer to as the 'mono mindset'. There was absolutely no inclination to consider any alternatives even after I explained that there ARE other alternatives out here - and ones that offer many advantages and work very nicely. No. End of discussion.
Now someone might say it was just my bad luck, the particular people that I happened across. But I see this as much more. It's part of the established mentality/culture.
So I tossed out this post in hopes of getting some 'real life' feedback from people who had been at this point at one time in their life and made a different choice. A choice to at least look and investigate. Someone who had survived the shock of having their belief system shattered and rebuilt in a different form. And especially someone(s) that that are glad they did !
We have discussed this earlier in the thread. I think the consensus was that where there is already a solid loving relationship or marriage monos will and do adapt, especially if they can still get everything they want out of a relationship that has turned from mono to poly.
My partner has found, as you have, that it is more unlikely for monos being asked to come into an already established relationship, to consider this relationship alternative. Having found a poly group to mix with he finds it much easier to even be able to ask other women out for coffee, movies etc without being looked at with suspicion.
Opening yourself up emotionally is a risk. I can fully understand why mono women wouldn't want to go there with a poly guy. There is a little thread warning about poly men that sums it up quite well.