Thanks for the thoughtful replies.
He has read through the site in the past, along with some others. After reading the monostruggles thread he got worse.
When I come across relevant threads I send him a link to them.
Last night we looked at the 14 steps link in practicing poly but he says he feels like he did try and it didn't work. Basically, he's given up. He said No poly anything ever again a few weeks ago. I got him to admit things can change and to say no poly now. MAYBE someday. But I'm pretty sure that was just for my benefit and not true.
I said I feel sad because he doesn't love all of me. I know there are parts that you love people in spite of, but this feels more like a part he really hates and resents. He said he loves all of me, even this part. I said I'm confused because you'd leave me over a part of me you love. His response... I'm sorry its confusing to you.
I will ask him the questions posted in your replies.
As for swinging, I quite enjoy it. There have been people that we click with sexually and we repeat with whenever possible (2-3 times per year) and ones that we play with only once. Swinging is seen to us as a sex toy. We've played alone and together, had 2, 3, 4, and more somes.
The husband I'm in love with, we fell for each other before we were ever together. We have been together one time but were interupted very early into it and had to stop. We've never been together before or since in that way. So it wasn't that the sex led us to these feelings. But OH if I could have sex with him... Wow, I so wish.
We have stopped swinging at this time. I am bitter that its ok for me to have sex with people I don't care about but not people I DO care about. We, as a couple, aren't ready to be doing it right now. But my husband wants to go back to it. I enjoyed it, and wouldn't mind, but not sure I can handle it if I'm to deny any poly side of me. Just too risky.
And through this all I miss the other man. I've tried to erase him from my mind, but I just cannot. I've only told 3 men I love them. My late husband, my current husband, and him. It wasn't something that came easily. I fought it, knowing my husband wouldn't accept it well.
One thing my husband has mentioned before was that HE should be doing the things I say the other does for me, make me laugh and smile etc... As if only one person on earth is to do those things for me. There are certain sexual things/positions that aren't my cup of tea. I delight in finding a swinger friend that will do those with him for me so that he's getting a want filled and I didn't have to do it. I'm happy that he is happy. I so wish I could get the same in return.
Thanks so much for being here!