Originally Posted by monolicious
I think you are asking about "thoughtful" decision making, rather than reactionary emotional discovery.
However, when it comes to relationships, humans are rarely logical. One doesn't know what one feels until one feels it.
Well ! I just discovered this thread kept going after I thought it died. (The notification system has been sketchy for me at least lately)
I think moving over to poly in this culture does require a certain level of logical analysis and decision making. It requires you to sit down and have a little conversation with yourself regarding questions such as....
What IS love ? What does it mean to me and how do I want it to manifest?
What is a 'relationship'. Why would I want to be in one - or more ? What will I expect to get from it - and what will be expected of me ?
and more similar questions..............
The reason for the OP was partially selfish and partially general information. Over a few years I've discovered several 'connections', solid potential love connections, but with people who identified strictly mono. Their response of course was 'well - "if only you weren't married etc" and followed by some comment about being what we refer to as the 'mono mindset'. There was absolutely no inclination to consider any alternatives even after I explained that there ARE other alternatives out here - and ones that offer many advantages and work very nicely. No. End of discussion.
Now someone might say it was just my bad luck, the particular people that I happened across. But I see this as much more. It's part of the established mentality/culture.
So I tossed out this post in hopes of getting some 'real life' feedback from people who had been at this point at one time in their life and made a different choice. A choice to at least look and investigate. Someone who had survived the shock of having their belief system shattered and rebuilt in a different form. And especially someone(s) that that are glad they did !
Thanks again everyone !