Who are your mentors in terms of relationships and/or poly? Who inspires you and sets a good example of good relationship dynamics? Do you inspire to be a mentor or do you inspire to be happily poly?
For me I have a lot of mentors in my life. I take bits from many people I know. Not just poly people. My friends on the east coast who I met when I was a Hare Krishna years ago... they are an inspiration to me in that they are both very different and desire and require different relationship fulfilment. The husband is bi and very actively so. Not such a surprise in the culture he has chosen to be in. His wife, my dear friend, requires that he be present as a person that supports and cherishes her as a woman and mother. He adores her and treats her like a queen. She expects that and requires that. Him having sex with men is fine,,, but not women! Funny because they don't call this poly, swinging, open... anything like that. It's an understanding they have and a cultural thing.
There are role models in my community here that I admire and see as mentors in certain ways also. I admire Geminigirl for her ability to give of herself yet make sure her needs are met in terms of love, closeness, sex and connection. We are very different, yet very the same in so many ways. I love watching her and experiencing that. She reminds me to find a middle path rather than become extreme and black and white... I take far longer to get there than she does, and I respect that about myself, but still, I have relied on her to help my black and white pendulum become more settled and swing less widely...I suspect I have influenced her also. I am wondering if this makes any sense to anyone but me
and possibly her.
I admire my dear Derby. Anyone who can conduct a relationship such as hers and her husbands I admire. I am an emotional person, with a highly emotional husband... everything we do together is based on how we feel... she is a reminder to me that this is not always necessary, useful or the best route... I think I remind her that its okay to be emotional so in that way we support each other. Besides that, anyone who has a LDR quite a bit of the time I admire.
I admire my husband most of all. Dear PN. Anyone who can put up with the shit that I give out for all these years needs a medal!
I really have been a bitch to him at times and have been so far from communicative in a respectful, kind manner... I forget to practice compassionate communication sometimes and I am very demanding. I have high expectations of him for sure and I am not always fair with that. He loves me anyway's and patiently reminds me of the path I am treading when I lose it on him. He is a bloody miracle to me. He has worked so hard on himself and so diligently. He has not had huge relationship success in terms of finding women and men to be partnered with, but he doesn't give up and doesn't get down about it... he says he has high expectations and says that I have created a high bar that not many women can match. Really he is crazy to think that way I think... but I secretly love to hear that
Love to hear your thoughts.