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Old 01-08-2011, 11:57 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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To me when someone doesn't respect the needs of a partner, have integrity and compassion or isn't communicating effectively, then it is essentially cheating with everyone knowing.

There are foundations to build on in poly that really do work. Check out the thread on poly foundations and lessons learned (in the stickies)... many people have put input there and none of it has been that a person has the right and had super success in just doing whatever they want at the expense of another. There are some people who practice poly who do whatever and tell partners that they just have to deal with the ramification of their actions because they are free and have the right to do as they will... that is fine, but when a relationship starts out monogamously and turns into poly I have not known this to work with high success rates.

The two of you made a mono commitment to each other. You are still in that and transitioning out of it... it should go at your pace and if she is wise and still wants you as a partner, she will do so and be happy to give you the time, space and conversations that you need.... this leads me to wonder if she really does want to be in a relationship with you. What are your goals, are they common to each other, do you value the same thing, are you willing to build a foundation with each other or does she want to be a single poly person from now on...? you have lots to talk about in three weeks. I hope she uses the time and doesn't spend it pining for the bf she is not hanging out with... that could be a real possibility in terms of what happens in the next three weeks..
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