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Old 01-08-2011, 08:43 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Originally Posted by erithacus View Post
So, in the end, I really feel all her attention has been focused on her relationship with her bf. And that is also the predator I have some deeply rooted issues with. Not a good combo. It still happens that almost every discussion we have revolves around her being able to see her bf. Even our therapist has seen that. It's not: 'How much time do we need to address the issues we have in our marriage', no, it is 'how much time do you need before I can have my relationship with J the way I want it'.

Maybe this is the way NRE affects her, maybe she is being selfish, maybe I am not as big a person as I would like to be. I don't know, it's all very complicated..
I think you need to just be honest - if possible in a non-confrontational way.
I think she is acting selfishly, but may not be aware of the extent of it.
So ask ........"what about US ??" "Where do 'we' and 'I' in general fit into this. " "I want you to be happy and help you get what you need (if possible) but what about ME" ? "This can't be all one sided."

It's a legitimate question.

How much is NRE, how much is about this new found confidence she may be feeling, you never know. But it's only fair to remind her - and everyone - that it's cruel to just go wild and not realize or acknowledge the effects your actions can have. That's NOT building a better model !

Try to remind her to take time - and a deep breath - and look at the big picture. If she refuses, or is incapable, well.............that's important information in itself. Then draw your own conclusions and act accordingly.

Please keep us posted.

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