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Old 01-08-2011, 07:55 PM
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erithacus erithacus is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Netherlands
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
I know there is a link in my signature-but today's post is specifically an update to what this thread is about.
http://lovingradiance.wordpress.com/...-vs-sacrifice/
Hi LR,

I just read your blog post. Thank you, thank you very much for writing it. You can add me to the list of people who have benefited from it.

I can relate to giving too much of yourself. And how it affects the outcome of negotiations. I am struggling with a similar way of dealing with boundaries.

Someone recently told me that for someone like me, who will have compromised even before negotiations have begun, it is important to just say No. Say No, and ask for time to think. I can always agree or give in later. It's hard, because it hurts other people. They aren't used to me being tough. They are used to having it their way. But I've noticed that actually stating my needs and defending them requires a lot less energy than compromising beyond my abilities. And you can actually get to a place where needs of both parties are met.

Some interesting things about this, that have been very useful to me, are written by Rick Hanson, in his book Buddha's Brain. He says key points in relationships with people are compassion _and_ assertion. You need compassion to create an open and safe environment in which to interact with caring for each other. You need assertion to ensure your needs are heard. Being assertive is important and it does not mean you are offensive or unreasonable, even if other people say so because they find it hard to hear your needs.

Thank you again for posting. I wish you, Maca, GG, R and everyone else involved good luck, wisdom, and open hearts.
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