Update from faithful husband
Update: OK, I asked my wife to consent to me falling in love with another woman, for love and for sex...and here's how it went down..
I used the 14 step plan from practicalpolyamory.com....I told her that I wanted to experience new love, that it was about me changing, and that our marriage together was always first...that I never even wanted to discuss divorce. She asked me point blank, "do u want a girlfriend?"
I told her "yes, but not like a hooker or a one-night stand, I want an ongoing emotional and sexual relationship with another woman....for me..just for me cause I want it...that it would be a gift from her to me...
Well, she teared up, and said "okay, we'll separate for 6 months, and u can have your flings." I was prepared for that! I again stressed that our marriage was my primary concern and that I would not do anything to endanger it...
She said, "I am sad that I don't fulfill your needs...we should get divorced!" I was prepared for that also. I said, "honey, this is a desire and a want...I don't need any other woman...We need air, I don't need a girl...but, I do have a desire, a new wanting, that has surfaced in my life and I wont cheat on you."
We bantered and hugged for a few minutes...then something miraculous happened...she said "YES!"...I was sort of prepared for this...REMEMBER: MUST TAKE BABY STEPS...I immediately said, "we'll talk it over later, over the next few months...."
But, I did want to iron out some of the details of selection and boundaries...these will soon go into a written agreement between us...We agreed that we would both look for a woman of my specifications...If we found one online or in the real world, then I would approach her with the explanation of her being my possible secondary (and all that entails). I will tell her that we will date, and if we decide to have sex, then my wife will have to give consent...but, that the bedroom details will be for us only to know, unless she (my new gf) allows me to tell my wife (only if my wife wishes to know). If my new potential gf is amenable to begin dating, then my wife would have coffee with her at least twice...the second coffee would entail her swapping STD labs for all parties since I want a longterm relationship and will be going bareback...we are going to choose an woman who can't get pregnant and who is not married and will agree to be monogamous with me.
My wife and I plan to talk about this over the next few months before even looking seriously for my secondary...she must approve of her in every way, and she wants to be able to call her to check up on me if she wants...My wife said she'll only SHARE me with someone she likes...that's the deal.
What I am going to do now? Be a model husband...show her that I value our marriage and that I love her more for giving me this...I know her feelings will change from time to time....we have ordered a few polyamory books to read...since my wife is very occupied with her career, she said she almost is happy to have someone make me happy, so she won't feel guilty!
My wife said she is sort of turned on by sharing me with another..she even suggested 3 women that she knows locally who would probably like the arrangement...but, I told her...Whoa!, baby steps, let's deal with our emotions EMOTIONALLY first for a few months...then we will plan our approach! No girlfriends in the community...we'll start fresh...
Anyhow, I'll keep up dated...my love for my wife grew 3x over the night since she is giving me this gift....take care.