View Single Post
Old 01-07-2011, 09:52 PM
Indigomontoya's Avatar
Indigomontoya Indigomontoya is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 107

Originally Posted by monolicious View Post
I think what I've learned about people's reactions to my mono/poly marriage is that it always comes out of "how they would feel" rather than my actual circumstance or how I feel. Projection is almost always the default response because people tend to try to put themselves in your shoes....

I have come to terms with the initial response almost always being negative and out of projection. Sometimes I address it briefly. Sometimes I ignore it. And in the end many people get their heads out of their own *space* and are finally able to ask you how you feel in your unique circumstance.
I think this is pretty poignant, and I had not thought of it in these terms; yes I assumed they were projecting their own values onto the situation but I did not consider as part of the thought process that there would be an attempt to understand through putting themselves in the position.

I cannot say that the predominant response has been negative, there have been some, but for the most part it's either a thanks but no thanks from potential women to date or it's been a curiosity to friends.

I've tried to stop selling Poly to people because ultimately it would be like selling seating on the Titanic to some; people are set enough in their notions that it's much easier to just put it out there and let it be. Ultimately if I worry about how everyone is going to react I'm reliably sure I'd go insane.

Originally Posted by Andy4700 View Post
I need glad the door for a 3rd is open in my life, and to be happy as a "mono by default" until someone perfect walks through it.

This pretty much encapsulates my feelings. I don't think love is a finite resources nor is affection, so I am open to a poly relationship for myself because I have seen how it has benefited TP but if it doesn't happen for me then no big deal.
Polyamory is wrong! It's Multiamory or Polyphilia. Mixing Greek and Latin roots? That's wrong.
Reply With Quote