Originally Posted by monolicious
I think what I've learned about people's reactions to my mono/poly marriage is that it always comes out of "how they would feel" rather than my actual circumstance or how I feel. Projection is almost always the default response because people tend to try to put themselves in your shoes....
I have come to terms with the initial response almost always being negative and out of projection. Sometimes I address it briefly. Sometimes I ignore it. And in the end many people get their heads out of their own *space* and are finally able to ask you how you feel in your unique circumstance.
I think this is pretty poignant, and I had not thought of it in these terms; yes I assumed they were projecting their own values onto the situation but I did not consider as part of the thought process that there would be an attempt to understand through putting themselves in the position.
I cannot say that the predominant response has been negative, there have been some, but for the most part it's either a thanks but no thanks from potential women to date or it's been a curiosity to friends.
I've tried to stop selling Poly to people because ultimately it would be like selling seating on the Titanic to some; people are set enough in their notions that it's much easier to just put it out there and let it be. Ultimately if I worry about how everyone is going to react I'm reliably sure I'd go insane.
Originally Posted by Andy4700
I need to...be glad the door for a 3rd is open in my life, and to be happy as a "mono by default" until someone perfect walks through it.
This pretty much encapsulates my feelings. I don't think love is a finite resources nor is affection, so I am open to a poly relationship for myself because I have seen how it has benefited TP but if it doesn't happen for me then no big deal.