Originally Posted by lvfcs
And she calls the shots when it comes to how much him and I can do. Is this something every new party has to accept, or do I have it all wrong?
I'll be honest with you, as a married woman, if we opened up to a level where my gf (I am bisexual and was the one at the center of the V) were to be sexually involved with my husband, I'd want to call the shots too. BUT...I wouldn't want to do it in a way that made her feel "less than". It would have to be a sit down with the three of us to discuss everyone's comfort level. She wouldn't be left out of the communication and then simply have the rules dictated to her later. As a V we did this often and her voice was heard and our boundaries as a couple were redefined.
You are an individual with just as many rights and emotions as the two of them. You have a right to know why the rules are in place, express your feelings on them, and ask for what you need. You all need to communicate together for this to work.