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Old 01-07-2011, 05:59 PM
Dave Dave is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1
Default Trouble getting started...

Hi guys,

We're currently starting out on new relationship, and based on past experience, we both agree that we want to try a more open approach than the classical mono relationship. Not sure if we're going to tag it "polyamorous", but we're both confident that we will be able to figure out the details as we go along. So far, so good.

Oddly, we're finding it pretty hard to even get this started. Somehow, we want to avoid the classical mono path that we're so used to (and which we know is the path to the dark side), but we don't know how to. The relationship is new, we're both really excited about each other, and neither side is currently interested in other potential partners. But we also know that, if we continue down that path, it will likely lead us to the usual game of dependency/jealousy/ownership/inhibiting/fear of loss/etc. where we really don't want to be heading.

Seems like we would need a place holder of some sort, so the relationship stays open and we don't fall into those old patterns again. We even thought about deliberately having one affair each to "test" the waters and stay aware of the type of relationship we ultimately want, but that seems awfully artificial and even childish (in a not-so-funny way). On the other hand, we have good reason to believe that, once a mono relationship has gone past a certain point, and both sides have become used to mutual exclusivity, it is next to impossible to take those privileges away from each other again, without causing substantial damage to the relationship.

Oddly, it seems like, if we both already had an ongoing relationship, adding this new relationship on top of it would actually work best, because that way, the status quo would already be established (and both of us could definitely handle that). But of course, you cannot simulate such a situation.

Hope I make sense. Has anyone felt this dilemma before? Any advice would be greatly appreciated - thanks in advance!

Dave
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