Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit
If so - how did you 'cross that line' ?
What reasoning did you discover that allowed you to see that your own wants and needs might be met regardless of a different set of needs in your partner ?
This is a really interesting question to me because I have just "crossed the line" myself and it's hard to say what made it happen. Some of the ingredients included:
* my husband showering me with love
* talking about everything, both with him and his girlfriend
* getting to know her
* a lot of introspection
* a lot of crying
* spending a lot of time reading on this forum
No single one of these could have made it happen without the others, and most importantly with plenty of time for the process to work itself out within me. It didn't happen consciously, although I did consciously *aspire* to make it happen. It was like this mysterious alchemical process that I don't fully understand.
And I am still amazed by it: in August when they spent a night together (but with no sex) it was the most painful night of my entire life. But when she was here last week (she lives far away and was visiting for Christmas) I was able to give them a night in our bed, sex not off limits this time, while I slept on the couch downstairs and I was actually truly happy about it, I felt real compersion. And I had no idea I would be capable of that until it happened. I don't think it's something you can control....you just need to make sure the ingredients are there and then give it all plenty of time to simmer inside you.