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Old 01-07-2011, 05:39 AM
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sage sage is offline
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 633

Originally Posted by monolicious View Post
I think what I've learned about people's reactions to my mono/poly marriage is that it always comes out of "how they would feel" rather than my actual circumstance or how I feel. Projection is almost always the default response because people tend to try to put themselves in your shoes.

For example- People who have been cheated on assume I'm being cheated on.
People who have endured emotional abuse think I'm being emotionally abused.
My best friend's response (a nurse and a christian) was to give me an STDs AND a Bible lesson.

I have come to terms with the initial response almost always being negative and out of projection. Sometimes I address it briefly. Sometimes I ignore it. And in the end many people get their heads out of their own *space* and are finally able to ask you how you feel in your unique circumstance.

My best friend finally came around and even apologized for her initial response.

So, I don't take the initial response as "the response" anymore- just a hurdle to get over for true understanding.
Very, very true. I have come to the same conclusion. You have been posting some very cool "monocorn" stuff lately and I would have engaged more but we are currently moving country and my life is currently insane. I just wanted you to know that while I'm not responding I am reading it and it makes immense sense to me and mirrors pretty much my own experiences and discoveries in a poly/mono relationship.

I applaud you for being able to adapt a long term relationship to polydom. I had to adapt a new one which had a different set of issues. We've been apart for a month now in our migration process and it has reinforced the correctness of my choice to stay and work through polyamory rather than run. Life is just not the same without him and I don't really feel like me. Thankfully I have now booked my ticket and so there are only 8 days until we are together again.
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