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Old 01-07-2011, 01:13 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
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The other thing is-as I've said a few times Maca,

is that just because YOU'VE decided that the boundaries were unfair (and not all of them did I say I had an issue with);

I DO NOT WANT TO CHANGE ALL OF THE BOUNDARIES
becuase I don't happen to think that they are all unreasonable.


In addition to all of that-

I asked you to read this thread so that you could get some perspective from people (not me). I have INTENTIONALLY not said ONE WORD to you about it being good or bad for you to move forward with R. Because I know its a sensitive topic, but its OBVIOUS that NRE is clouding your head and you are not making decisions that back up WHAT ACTUALLY MATTERS TO YOU in your relationships.

Instead, you get defensive on here too....

Seriously-just stop defending yourself. No one was attacking you.

IF you want to get realistic and helpful information-it would be a good idea to write your post about the situation adn what it is, instead of spending your time defending yourself.

You say nothing about the fact that you had feelings, based on things she said to you (that were false and you KNEW were false), that you then acted upon (against me) and that I didn't retaliate.

You say nothing about the fact that YOU feel pressured by her to do things with her that go against our boundary rules AND against your own preferences and comfort levels.

You say nothing about what it is you want from a "relationship" and what it is you are doing to try to find/create that.

You say nothing about what it is about HER that meets YOUR specifications of what you want/need in a relationship.

You say nothing about the fact that on your own you said there was no way she was goign to respect your "hard limits" for a relationship or our polyfamilies "hard limits" for a relationship...

I'm all for having a respectful conversation about the situation.

In order to do that, you need to set the story straight regarding what the truth is about what's going on.
Nothing I've said was untrue, manipulative or twisting the story. There is information I have now that I didn't have when I wrote and there is information that you have which I do not, becuase it's YOUR relationship.

If there is missing information-it's because I don't have it.

I hadn't posted since I told you that I was rescinding my willingness to share our room. So I hadn't had a chance to say that you also felt that we shouldn't share the room.

The reason I only listed the hotel cost in the reason for not using a hotel, was becuase I don't happen to believe that you think using a hotel is sleazy. You've never thought that in 13 years, only after she said she thought that did you repeat it.
I do know that for 13 years I've watched you "change" your preferences to meet whoever you are aligning yourself at any given time. It's one of the things that we've talked about MANY MANY times over the years. You don't stick to your guns with "who you are" or "what you believe". It morphs to whatever the other person says.
Therefore-I chose not to repeat something that I have every reason to believe isn't a true feeling of yours.
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