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Old 01-06-2011, 07:37 PM
Olderwoman Olderwoman is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FlameKat View Post
If someone has been offended by what you have said, then you were being offensive to that person.
This is your personal conclusion, which is an opinion not a fact.

What one person is offended by may not offend another person. To make the conclusion that the source (me or the statement) is at fault is placing blame on the source (me or my actions) for your personal reactions. I.E. "...you were being offensive.."

Quote:
It is not your responsibility to 'take the blame' for 'being offensive'. Acknowledging that perhaps what you said had caused someone to feel offended is different.
Yes Exactly. I agree. Therefore, I did not apologize for "being offensive."

To say, "I'm sorry for "being offensive." is to agree that I was being offensive. (And I don't agree or accept the perception that I was.)

But to say, "I am sorry you were offended by what I said." is to express a feeling of empathy or compassion. but it does not own the perception that I was being offensive.

Perhaps there are members who don't think I was being offensive. Perhaps others agree that I was. These are perceptions and opinions.

Quote:
And actually - looking back over all the posts... no-one actually asked you for an apology... that was your assumption.
True, but several posters implied that an apology was a good idea. That is what started my contemplation on different kinds of apologies. I have actually learned a lot; and hopefully it will help me to change my careless ways and become a better person.

Quote:
You were 'taken to task' as it were for refusing to acknowledge that people HAD been offended, even though it had been pointed out - you refused to understand that they had been, or how.
Actually I refused to believe that you or they were truly offended. And if they were, I could not understand why they were.
People don't "refuse to understand" they either understand or they don't understand.

Quote:
Personally... you laughed that I found offense with a comment of yours I (and others) found sexist.
Yes I did. I seriously thought it was sarcasm, so I didn't take it seriously. (I think people are sometimes way too serious and sensitive about everything. Life is too short for so much drama in my opinion.)

Quote:
...Prior to which you had directed assumptions regarding my character and how I would direct my life following a question which was seeking other's personal opinions or experiences. After I found offense with the sexist comment you proceeded to call me 'delicate and fragile' because I stated that I was serious that I had found the comment offensive.
In your private responses to me you implied I was playing a game in order to get you to apologise. You also stated I was over-sensitive and dramatic.
Yes, but that is just my impression. Now I do regret posting anything to you in the first place. You admit above that you were seeking other people's "personal opinions or experiences" and then you chose to find mine "offensive." If I had known you were going to be so easily offended I would not have said anything at all. I have no way of knowing what might offend anyone. I was just being myself, relaxed and and honest and I was found to be "offensive." My reaction is if you are going to seek other people's "personal opinions or experiences" and you want honesty, you might try not to be so quick to be offended.

Look for the meaning behind my words. Do you really think I was purposely trying to offend you? Why would I do that?

Quote:
All that and I still am not hurt, offended - yes. Expecting an apology - no. (Though I did accept the one you gave as you kept mentioning it and you refused to understand it wasn't an apology I was looking for) I was genuinely trying to understand how someone can have so little regard for what other people are saying... and so little care for how their own words affect the message they are sending.

From my perspective you simply do not care, either how you are perceived, or how you effect people.
If I did not care I would not have started this thread.

You told me you found it "offensive" because you did not want to "be understood just "because you were a woman" and that you want to be understood "because you are human."

( Personally I will take any kind of understanding I can get. )

I know a lot of people would like to think that masculine and feminine traits are equal and the same, but they are not. Perhaps humans will some day evolve to the point where all are both male and female physically and mentally, but we aren't there yet. Until then, we are divided and we can see differences between the masculine and the feminine traits regardless of the physical body.

I was speaking from my personal experience which has observed that the feminine side tends to be more sensitive to emotions and have more of a need to be understood. From my experience men (masculine) are less prone to want to talk about their feelings. Of course that is my experience and opinion which is what you wanted and it is a generalization, so what? I have seen a lot of people making generalizations on this forum.

I have heard we all have a masculine side and a feminine side. (And maybe more sides that we are aware of.) My feminine side desires to be perfectly understood, even though I know now that this is unlikely to happen. My masculine side really doesn't care that much. That's my personal experience.
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Last edited by Olderwoman; 01-06-2011 at 07:48 PM.
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