Wow, Polymonial, I can sure relate to what you're dealing with, as my husband and I are new to this as well. It is easy to get exhilarated by the possibilities, isn't it?! I have all kinds of beautiful poly fantasies of communal living, which I know are probably way too idealistic -- and unrealistic, ha! -- but I do love to dream, nonetheless.
My husband struggles with our new situation, and he sets up "rules," too. However, we tend to tweak them as we go along. I think it's tough on him since my lover is another straight male, so there is some "orangutan" jealousy that goes on.
My husband has joined some internet dating sights, but the women he meets are interested in the prince charming scenario. They are in NO WAY interested in a married man who wants to stay married but have another intimate relationship that is "wife-approved." I wish I could find one for him, but I suppose that would creep the women out even more, haha!
He's actually more of a mono, anyway, but I think it would do him some good to have some other women boost his ego, which has been really shaken by my new relationship. However, this doesn't make him poly. He was very, very promiscuous before we got married, and never wants to go back to that. He was ready to commit to one and only, and he has been a totally devoted and faithful husband. Who would have ever expected this? We're trying to make the best of it.
I have never felt jealous with him, but he says if he actually does meet someone, I'm going to freak out! I suppose compersion seems simple in theory, but once you have to practice it, it has its challenges, for sure. I feel like if he meets someone, she can be my friend, too, and that would be lovely! I'm not bi, so I'm not interested in a sexual relationship with her, but I would definitely welcome a friend. And I think my husband is wonderful, so I would love to have another woman sharing in my belief.
Just some newbie ramblings. Thanks to all for being here.