I don't have a lot to say...just trying to deal with the pain right now.
Basically, after wasting away at least 30 minutes, I asked P if he had thought about our conversation. Once again, he proved that any and everything else supersedes me. He stated he did off and on but he was a bit preoccupied with his home improvement stuff. He stated that he was thinking my suggestion regarding the break would be good or was best (can't remember exactly what he said). I was somewhat stunned so it took me a good five minutes to gain control of my inner turmoil so we pretty much set in silence throughout that time. There was nothing left to say so I asked him to get a bag so I could gather my items that I had there. Thereafter, on my way out, I stated to him that he was basically telling me that it was over. He stated he didn't know. I responded that he did know because we had just discussed on Monday how a break wouldn't do either of us any good because we would throw ourselves into work and other things, never addressing the issues here. He said something but I don't remember what it was. All of my focus was being put into keeping my composure long enough to make it to my truck. The last thing he said was he just needed time to think about what it is that is holding back the development of the relationship or something to that effect. He had stated that there was something that just didn't feel right to him but he couldn't put his finger on it but, if he could figure out what it was, it would give more insight into the current relationship predicament and the future of it.
Anyway, I said that was fine (barely) and walked out without saying anything more. We normally hug on departure but I just couldn't endure anymore pain and I was doing all that I could do keep it together. When I got to the car, I started crying so hard I fumbled with the key in the ignition then I couldn't see anything while attempting to drive. I cried myself to sleep then woke up at almost 3am for NO reason. I almost started crying again because my mind was starting to have waking thoughts about everything. I just kept begging, "please just let me go back to sleep".
*sigh* I'm going to try to make it through my work day. Thanks for your support.
Last edited by eklctc; 01-06-2011 at 02:54 PM.