I'm not sure what you are staying for and where you are getting your strength from... what do you stay for? What is it about this situation that is working for you? Is it that you just can't get it together to go? I don't understand... I'm seriously curious. I don't ask to be insulting towards you or to disrespect your decsion, I am genuinely curious.
Yes there are people that ask for an upgrade from cheating to poly and some that actually have figured out how to do that and be happy, on both sides... not without huge sacrifices, stepping WAY back to gain trust again and really looking at who the hell they think they are to even ask before considering keeping the question of "could this work for us" alive.
There is a lot written on cheating and affairs on here. Some really good threads and conversations. If you do a serach in the stickies, and golden nuggets as well as do a tag search for "cheating" and "affairs" you will find quite a bit. I would suggest a tag search for "foundation" and "lessons" also... you will see that "poly" is far more than loving other people... it is a relationship dynamic that this man and his women don't have...
One other thing, if he were for real living poly, by the standard that I have? There is no way in hell he would have the time for four women... there is no way that I know of that he can give each relationship the consideration, undivided attention and depth that is required for a good relationship in my book...
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