Well, for what it's worth, I talked to my OSO today, and I don't think the disconnect is intentional or that it has anything to do with me. Our relationship has always been in flux. In the 3+ years we've been involved, we've gone through deployment and all sorts of other havoc. Something deeper is going on... I swear he should have received a ptsd diagnosis. But he was so surprised and so gentle, when I expressed my concern... and I believe that he meant it when he said, "You and I are good." He believes it anyway, and in terms of "workability," that's what I needed to hear. And he encouraged me to call if I start feeling that way, even though we both hate talking on the phone. I wonder though... I love him. How much more must his true wife love him? And how much more frustration is she feeling, dealing with this person who is so changed, in some ways, so much for the better, but who is, in some ways, so difficult now to reach. I'm glad we're all there for each other.
I hope... My gosh. I hope I have the patience to not keep making assumptions. I don't want to blow up what's good out of fear. I mean, I know my other hubby needs to be checked sometimes, but... I'm trying to figure out what's "normal" and what's "true cause for concern," amidst the "something's going on that's way beyond me." My own insecurities and pre-deployment behaviors haunt me in silence. I need to move beyond them.