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Old 01-06-2011, 12:25 AM
Olderwoman Olderwoman is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
The difference is this: Often you realize that it's more important to take care of the people around you than to be right about something. If you think about that, it is easy to be genuine and apologize, even if you aren't really sorry.
I guess that does not make a lot of sense to me because my understanding of an apology is the statement "I'm sorry." If you are NOT sorry, then the statement is not true.

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The apology is an acknowledgment of having hurt them, or having created an environment in which they feel hurt, and a gesture of surrendering to something greater (the relationship), or calling a truce, so that resentments do not remain in the way and the relationship can move forward.
I understand this type of apology... "for the sake of the relationship" because that is where I found myself in my last marriage. I was constantly apologizing and assuming the blame for all the problems in the relationship (in an attempt to heal or save it.)" But this can be taken to the extreme... which is what happened in my case. It didn't heal anything, it just sucked the joy out of life and the soul out of me. (So here is the source of my trigger.)

The difference here is that I had not really hurt him. He was playing mind games. (Which a lot of people will do, so I don't necessarily or automatically trust people who claim to be "hurt" or "offended." There are too many games being played almost unconsciously.)

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Sometimes it takes a bit of swallowing one's pride, but when the other person knows you are making an effort, healing takes place.
My healing took place when I got a divorce.

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Very wise teachers of mine have said many times that we all have two choices, being right or being alive.
I tell that to people who wonder why I sometimes stop at green lights and look both directions.

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Digging one's heels in about being "right" only gives you that - being righteous. Whoopee. Apologizing and moving forward leads to aliveness. Sometimes an apology is only symbolic, but it still does much to soothe and heal wounds.
Yes, an apology can keep you alive. (so can packing two suitcases and getting on a bus..; LOL

......But I don't think an apology should be symbolic of anything other than what it actually is. I think it should be true and sincere.

....unless of course your life is at stake. Then you can lie like hell.
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Last edited by Olderwoman; 01-06-2011 at 12:30 AM.
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