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Old 01-05-2011, 07:03 PM
manitscoldhere manitscoldhere is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 8
Default The situation I'm in (love, sex and long term relationship issues..)

Hey everyone, I posted this over in intros, but didn't get much response.. so here's my story and issue...

I'm 26, Male, and the best way I can describe myself is "passionate". I enjoy going to dance, listening to music (music that you can dance to), I like driving cars fast, jumping out of airplanes, running, basically things like that. I get bored fairly easily though

Which leads me to where I am right now.

I've been in a committed relationship for 2 years, and I love the girl I am with. She's a great girlfriend, and I have no real issues with our relationship (other than sex - which I'll get to in a second). We have a dog and an apartment together, and overall things are nice. We go to parties, take the dog to the park, cook, etc. It's a stable and loving relationship. The sad thing is, I'm not really getting what I need out of it, and I feel there's a few reasons for this. But in essence it comes down to sex and passion. I'm not interested in just "getting off" but actually enjoying my time and really getting into the whole, for lack of a better word, production of having sex. I enjoy music, candles, and the feeling of both partners wanting to rip the others clothes off.

However...

My girlfriend is not this person, and never really has been. However, when we first started dating I didn't notice it as much, she was much more into sex, but it didn't take very long to realize she wasn't a leader and didn't really care that much. But sex was good overall and so I didn't think much of it. However, two years later it's basically gone stale and I don't really enjoy it very much. I feel like we have sex just to get off, and if that's all it is, then I'd rather just do my own thing. She doesn't seem to have any desire to be with me other than maybe once or so a month, and there's just not much feeling behind it. With that said, I am not blaming her - but we are two different people and those differences are starting to really show. It's glaring enough that I would consider leaving her if we didn't resolve it, I'm too young to give up on this part of my life.

Anyways, I also thing that my work going slow isn't helping (the past month I've sat at home doing nothing with work being virtually dead) and so that puts added stress on our relationship. However, I really started to notice our differences sexually between 6 months and a year into our relationship - basically when that "Giddy in love" feeling was gone, and people's true nature comes out.

Which leads me to being interested in still being with her - which is what I want - but also getting what I need and desire somewhere else. I want to stay committed to my girlfriend, but I've come to the realization that we may never see eye to eye on sex, and that is fine if I can still enjoy the part of life I want to enjoy.

I guess I'm looking for help here, what to look for, people's experiences, etc. I've started reading Opening Up which is a good read. But I also wanted to have open discussion with people.

Again, thanks and hello!
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