Loving and Understanding ... Part I
Thankyou to anyone that sent me greetings when I signed up.
This will be my first post and attempt to express what I am feeling.
I have read some threads of this forum suggested by the woman I love and adore; on this forum she is known as FlameKat.
I will try to keep this post to a reasonable size; but tend to ramble. So I will apologize in advance for its length. Also I have always had a very precise perception regarding the realm of love and relationships; so I again will apologize in advance, should I refer to anything insensitively ... I mean no offence.
I know FlameKat has given some back story on our relationship and herself. So I thought I would start out by giving some sense of who I am ... or at least how I perceive myself.
I am in my thirties; I have one son, 8 years of age and recently got through a divorce to a woman that I was with for ten years. I have always guided myself in life with what I feel is a strong morale compass. Honor, Loyalty, Truth, Compassion and Understanding are at the heart of what makes me ... me. Most consider me easy going & approachable to share their views, problems or opinions. I would generally agree with that assessment; except as of late I feel that I have not had the understanding I should with the person in my life that matters the most ... My beloved FlameKat.
Emerging out of my previous relationship I feel that I was putting duty and responsibility before my own feelings. I was not happy for a very long time and allowed myself to fullfill a selfish desire to be needed by someone who could never love themself. If wasnt until I caught a glimpse of what used to make me feel good that I realized I wasnt doing anyone any favors being accepting the misery I was in. As understanding as I may be towards most things; I have a bad tendancy to take things very personally and care a great deal about what others think of me .. to the extent of torturing myself internally. In regards to relationships and love I suppose in as simple a way as I can put it; I have a very fairytale point of view. The whole 'Knight in Shining Armor' stereotype likely fits the best ... (before anyone starts throwing stones at me)...that said I in no way feel that women need to be rescued and certainly don't think that about FlameKat. Her strength and limitless resilliance are two of the things that I love so much about her and in truth ... when we first met; she saved me. During my divorce I made one of the weakest & cowardly choices of my life ... I had become weary of caring about everyone else and feeling no love in return. It was after I came back from the brink that I met FlameKat; she helped me find myself again and think in ways I had never considered. Gods I love her so much. Just to finish off the statement I made about 'The Knight in Shining Armor' .. the aspect of that perspective that I appreciate is that of 'The One True Love'; the love that knows no limits or boundaries.
I'll add a couple of other notes about myself that may be of merit in understanding me. First I have very low self-esteem (one would hope in recognizing that I could do something about it .. lol), which was made worse in past relationships; when I would get upstaged by some other guy who was more confident and be left in the dust by the girl I was with. Second, (and I recognize this is likely attributed to my first point) is that I have a very low opinion of most guys in regards to how they treat women. That said I am not naive to the fact that there are unscrupulous women in the world to; but I tend to have a harder time trusting guys.
So when faced with the statement from the woman that I love and trust so much; 'that there are no boundaries between her and my closest friend; emotional, mental or physical .... and then later that she is in love with him too.' .... I was to say the least in shock. She immediately reassured me how much she loves me and that her feelings had not lessened any for me. I struggled so hard to remain understanding; while she struggled with trying to understand this new discovery in herself. We were both frightened what would happen; but have continued each day in the midst of pain and anger to stay focused on figuring this out.
When I met FlameKat; I almost immediately felt something different; something timeless. There were other guys vying for her attention at the time and even though I was on the other side of the world ... I knew she was as devoted to me as I was her; that mutual devotion has only grown stronger.
As I mentioned previously; I had moments in the past that other guys ha swooped in as it were .... but even knowing just how amazing and attractive she is to others ... I recognized that I never felt anxiety regarding our the stability of our relationship. When my friend T started communicating with FlameKat regularly I started to have a sense that something was different. FlameKat and I always discuss everything ... sometimes it takes a few days to work up to; but generally we get an immediate sense when something was off with one another. I think this empathy flourished because we are so far apart and have to rely on talking through anything and everything ... this has made us stronger as a whole. My concerns that I expressed to FlameKat when I first felt uneasy was that I felt my friend T was getting too attached and did not even consider her feelings growing for him.
... Continued Part II