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Old 08-29-2009, 11:32 PM
flakey flakey is offline
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 6

Great replies, thanks a lot this feels very encouraging.

Ygirl, we never tried couples therapy, I doubt she would ever try, she's not into psychology (im a psychologist myself, and at first she seemed interested in my 'deeper' conversations but now sometimes it feels she's bothered: "too much philosophy for me" kind of comments), so I think she wouldnt go to one.. I think she would feel ashamed/bothered by the image of her going to some stranger to get council on her relationship, again the self-esteem issue.....

But depending how things continue to develop, I might at least suggest, its at least worth a try right?

RedPepper, kind words you are right one should try to reassure the other and be honest.. I have tried doing that throughout our relationship.. Unfortunately lately i've been finding myself thinking more and more about taking a break, about how would it be with someone else (not anybody in specific)... I wouldnt cheat on her, but I dont think its good for me or for her that I live in some inner conflict and pretend she can fulfill me completely..
On the other hand I also dont want give up too soon and then regret this later in life, but then again, I think if its meant to be then she will eventually understand it, maybe not now but at some point, and I will be open to her whenever that day comes

One thing I didnt mention before: I was her first and only man. So being with someone else would be a whole leap for her. I think, though, that it would do her (and our relationship) very good because she would get some perspective on the whole thing, maybe appreciate me more for who I am.

Then, there is one fact which I think she couldnt admit to her family to be with someone else.. They have a very very close relationship, and her family really likes me.. She couldnt tell them she is into polyamory, so if she was with another man either she would have to tell them she ended with me, or she would have to hide from them.. So there's all this pressure on her side which makes it hard for her to open up to poly, (considering she would be into it)

XYZ123, its hard for me to answer your questions because as I mentioned, its still theory for me. But I think if it wasnt for her jealousy, I could maybe live my life with her only, repressing some desires here and there (which would not be such an issue because, as I said, im not a womanizer, only had a few women, so am used to being without anybody). But even though I could live with her without the jealousy, I still think that deep down I am poly (is that how you say? "im poly? "). I feel I have a lot of love to give, and that I could be good to more people (women..?), have some ethical deep relationship with others who would appreciate me and who I could appreciate. So it feels like missing out on these other forms of relationship is like missing some part of life. Who knows though, maybe in practicevwith more people the troubles just multiply ? hehe

as for the other question, no I have never done anything to lose her trust, on the contrary I think... so I dont think its really me the issue, it feels more like things she is projecting in me due to insecurities.

Fidelia, also thanks for your good wishes! You are right im trying not to press the issue but rather deal with her jealousy and general well being of our relationship for now.. We are moving together to a big city soon to a new life, so Im also hoping that this can help us also change our relationship for the better (and also regain the momentum in our sexlife which lately has not been so exciting). I also think that another possibility of improvement would be if she would meet a guy she was very attracted to. I think if she was actually the one to do something, then it would be a breakthrough, but I wonder if that will ever happen.

If not, well, then I think im gonna have to take a break.... I dont want to end the relationship way too late years from now and fighting after long of emotional stresses... I want to always have a good relationship with her (and everybody else), knowing when is the time to be and when is the time not to be, not end as enemies with grudges in the heart. It wont be easy to take this break, our lives have been very deeply interwinned for the last 5 years, but who said life was easy?

Once again, thank you all, I feel very welcomed here Any more input is of course greatly appreciated... In any case I feel like im gonna be chatting around this forum a bit more in the future

Last edited by flakey; 08-29-2009 at 11:43 PM.
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