Well, the latest update.
My ex and I have been briefly emailing and texting a bit. Yesterday I got a longer email asking me to call her. So I called her....she is currently on her business trip and I guess she is lonely.
We talked about an hour. She said that she is happy with her husband and her current lover....but still misses me tremendously, and feels like part of her is missing, like there is a hole in her heart. She said she is not ready to see me in person quite yet when she gets back from her trip, but would like to resume emailing and chatting and texting in the meantime. She says she feels tremendous longing for me, but that she can't undo the choices that she made. She wants to try and rebuild this into a friendship, but worries that there always be the undercurrent of romance and sexual tension that could mess it up. She says she still loves me and regrets the way things went, and isn't sure she can stop thinking of me as a lover even if we are no longer physically intimate.
I don't really know what to say or do. I miss her greatly and I still feel a hole in my heart, although it has been getting better in recent days. I am moving forward with my life and, with my wife's urging and approval, have begun dating a new woman on a casual basis. I like her but it doesn't have the same "instant love" thing I had with my ex, which is fine since I'm not looking for romance or love right now outside of my marraige. The new girl isn't looking for love either, so our needs seem compatable.
My wife and I have been getting along excellently of late and our own passion and romance is as good as ever. She is still very angry at my ex but her frustration with me for not standing up for myself sooner has eased.
Anyway, that is the latest. I don't know what will happen with my ex. My feeling is that we will find our way into a friendship but we will see. I still love her and I always will.