Thanks for all your help. I'm really pleased with how the post turned out and it's resolved a lot for me.
Mohegan: I really get what you're saying, we deserve to be seen as winners because we've succeeded in creating great relationships. There is always going to be work to do because that's the nature of relationships, but the last thing we want is pity.
SNeacail: I loved your point about all relationships having limitations.. salient reminder.
RP: I get the comparison to polyamory and a hobby on one level but the emotional charge that is created when your partner's hobby is another love is too great to make it very useful for most monos.
Trucker Pete and Indi: Yep you're doing good!! Sharing such positive little snippets from your life is a great model. I relate to your "mono by default" comment Indi. I would be open to having a poly relationship if one fell into my lap but maybe not right now. I've realized that I form very intense romantic relationships and at the moment I don't really want to invest the time in more than one. Having made that as a conscious choice feels empowering.
Mono: Thank you, you give us all a wonderfully powerful, positive role model.