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Old 01-04-2011, 03:33 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

Great to see another of your deep, thoughtful posts.
Always enjoy.
Thank You.

Boundaries ?
Why ?
For me, i.e. that I have freedom to go at my pace, not theirs.

This is HIS relationship - right ?
PRECISELY! Therefore, I don't feel like it should place an expectation upon me to build a relationship with her at the same pace as theirs goes. And I don't feel like the boundary rules we have in place should be changed (which is being requested) so that they can do things which haven't been allowed previously.

Why are you afraid of the pace that HE wants to progress ?
Actually, I'm not. I'm feeling pressured to be her "new best friend" just because they are interested in one another. I'm also feeling pressured to allow them to do things that are against our boundary rules.

You can set your own pace in your relationship with her - if it even progresses that far. Your own comfort level.
That's what I want.

I say all this assuming certain safety & family dynamic guidelines haven't been violated. If they have I didn't pick it up in your writing. (I'll go back and re-read)
Not yet, but there has been a huge push to "do away" with several of the safety and family dynamic guidelines.

Remember how we always talk about the multiple relationships involved - I think Ari alludes to this a lot......

Him & Her
Him & you
You & her
All 3 of you together.

*** 4 relationships ***
Yes, and in our case there are 10 of us in the household. Since she is wanting to participate as a full-time part of the family, that's more relationships than I can do the math to figure out off the top of my head but we aren't all comfortable with the depth of relationship that she seems to think is warranted right now. We're all open to taking time to get to know her better.... it's just that we need to take that time. All of us will likely have DIFFERENT amounts of time that we need, but it's pretty consistent that it's more than what's gone by so far.

Of course this gets compounded because of GG, but I didn't pick up that he was overly concerned. ??
He's worried about the kids and me, but on a personal level, he's not available to be here when she is, so he's not feeling pressured.

Does this help any ?
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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