Originally Posted by ray
It sounds to me like your being very reasonable, asking for what you need and not putting draconic restrictions on their interactions. Hell, they have fewer restrictions than I have with my married SO and I've been with him over 6 months. I hope that when the dust settles, your feelings become apparent to her. I don't know you terribly well, but you seem to be a very welcoming, gracious person with good communication skills. Dealing with the wife of your SO can be intimidating sometimes and I know that i am often worrying and interpreting any slight sign of unhappiness or irritation from A as being my fault and that she must really hate me after all. But I usually am just being paranoid and insecure. So I know how easy it is to interpret actions and words from that angle even if you're the only one that sees it.
Thank you Ray. Most of the people that know me at all say I'm "too reasonable". Very few find me to be possessive or unwelcoming. Though I have often been told that I can be quite intimidating because I am so sure of what I believe.
It does help to hear that other OSO's recognize that they can be paranoid simply because of the wife's role and not necessarily because of any specific thing she's done wrong.
I really am trying to be as reasonable as possible, because I know it's difficult. But, admittedly I am feeling as though I'm being asked to give her "equal status" without earning it.
I would NEVER expect that she put in 13 years to earn it. But I think you have to at least take time to get to know people and what's important to them before you can gain privileges of equal status in their life to S.O.'s that have put in that time...