Originally Posted by Olderwoman
Today, if I met a married man who wanted to date me and he said his wife approved of him seeing other women, I might want to meet his wife to confirm that. (But not because I am interested in a threesome, or in his wife as a sexual partner.)
yes I would highly suggest that... you don't have to be best buds or have sex together, but just knowing she knows is good enough... it's not excellent in my opinion because really poly seems to work best if metamours are friendly and working together as a team to construct the time needed to make sure everyone is happy. It takes a huge weight off your shared love too.
I had a really crap experience with a married man that said his wife knew. We feel in love and then he abruptly ended it because his wife found out. He must of told her that he never loved me because she emailed me a year later and said she was sorry that she had pulled the rug out from under me, and knows now that her husband needed more sex and that they were working on that by inviting women into their relationship.... I was heart broken all over again and wrote back that actually, no.... he had said he loved me and it was more than sex. I explained poly to her and that we had talked about it. She respectfully wrote back that she thought I was very brave and that it wasn't for her and that she was not looking to start up something with me in terms of her hubby.... more hurt.... I wrote to him and said "WTF!" and he didn't write back. I told her she could write if she wanted to discuss poly as a concept but that I have moved on....
Ya, check! I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on anyone. She hurt, I hurt, he hurt... totally not worth the NRE and NRE sex that comes with it... the memory of that lasts a short time when the pain of cheating is piled on. I prefer pure experiences of love and connection... getting in touch with the wife of a man that says he wants to start something is kind of awkward but far less of a emotional situation that the result of cheating... it shows good integrity to respect others and honour their relationships anyways... that brings nothing but good stuff I think.