Originally Posted by Indigomontoya
I'd have to echo this Poster's brilliance (and beauty
) If TP had said that she expected me to be friend with Mr. A chances are I would not have been so open to meeting him. It's human nature to buck against what we are told we must
do; by that rational if you force it too soon or too quickly you will ultimately end up feeling very awkward about the friendship and the metamour's role in your life. While the relationship you have with the metamour is, as TP said, independent of your relationship with your SO you have to realize on some level you have to have a relationship with the person, even if it is strictly for the logistics of the arrangement. If that is all you want then that's perfectly acceptable and it is something that you will have to put your foot down on. Numerous times during the development of TP and Mr. A's relationship I had to vocalize when I felt things were progressing too quickly, if your SO is not willing to hear you out and push ahead at a pace that is uncomfortable, then you really need to evaluate the value they have placed on you in the relationship.
By the same token I stayed open to the possibility of friendship. Ultimately you have to think that you are the metamour will have some things in common since from my own experience TP's taste in men has not altered drastically from her and I beginning our relationship.
I'm not opposed to being friends. When Maca asked me if she could come here the first time they met in person, and meet all of us, I readily agreed. It was a good time. I also was agreeable to her coming again the following weekend and hanging out with all of us at my extended family's "family get together". She was admittedly the only person there who wasn't family. But, it was fine.
I actually was just expressing that I need to find the place where I can readily agree to meeting their needs to spend time together with the rest of us (I have no issue with them spending time together alone, that's easy)
still not piss either of them off when I need to not participate in group activities....
Evidently-that was the WRONG thing to say-because as I said a minute ago, it set off a wildfire.
The thing is-I have a full life too. I have 5 kids, 2 of which are homeschooled and one whose 3 and with me full time. A grandbaby on the way in the next two months-daughter lives here too. My own relationship with GG to attend as well.... not to mention friends and family who want to spend time with me.
I am not opposed to spending some time with Maca's NL. I'm not opposed to getting to know her. I just want to be sure that it doesn't take over my life. It's not my NRE............